. . . Nearly Three Years Later

So . . . who wants to know a secret? How about THE secret?

What A Jerk!!!

Okay, so imagine this . . . I'm sitting at a table in a room chatting with a girlfriend. We're discussing animatedly the trip we're going on together. She says - can you believe it's less than two weeks away?! I say - I know! I've already starting thinking about what I want to pack! *embarrassed smile* Off to my left I hear a quiet comment. I'm not certain, but I think she said "It doesn't matter what you wear, your friend is so much thinner and prettier than you - you're just going to look like a blob anyway." I ignore it - I'm still excited and I continue with our chat by saying - "I am so excited about the shopping we'll be able to do!" And again, the person to my left says something I can't quite make out, but sounds suspiciously like "Good luck finding anything that looks good on you." I continue bravely on, trying to be the bigger woman - "ha ha - you're always the bigger woman" - I turn sharply to my left only to find no one sitting there. Realization dawns on me like the bursting forth of the morning sun - all of those comments were made by the mean little self-hating demon I keep inside my head.

Aw Crap

I did it again. I got all gung-ho and then I fell flat. Again.

How do I create a healthy way of life that I can maintain? Even when life get's crazy? How? If I could figure that out - I guess I'd be the most popular gazillionaire anywhere. That's what so many of us are looking for, no? Sigh. I'm not saying I won't figure it out. I'm just saying that I haven't yet. That's as positive as I'm gonna get today I think.

Phew!

Is anyone else a little afraid of their doc? Mine is a fabulous lady, very thorough and doesn't mind taking the time if you have questions - which I always do. :) But she's a little bit terrifying. She'll tell you if she thinks you're overweight and she doesn't tiptoe around it. She's very direct which I really appreciate - most of the time. I was a little worried this morning. I was going in for a follow up to my high BP issue and this last couple of weeks has been insane - I heard the date yesterday and let out a loud and graphic expletive - the first three quarters of this month has been a total blur. Anyway, I haven't been as diligent as I might have been with the weight loss and exercise so I was pretty nervous getting on the big bad scale. I was down three pounds from the last time I was in!!! YAY! Not great considering that that was weeks ago - but I'll take it!

When It Rains - It Pours

Everybody wants a piece of Jessica these days. I'm very popular - it's rough. :D Work is nuts. Life is insane. I need padded walls.

Speaking of rain - the hubby went surfing this morning. He'd been gone for a while and all of a sudden it started to pour. That made me a little nervous, felt bad for him, but his board won't fit in my car and he's already wet so I thought - oh well - shrug. Then a clap of thunder so loud I nearly peed myself . . . and then I was freaking out. My man the lightening rod sitting out in the salty, salty ocean. Still freaking - took turns pacing and then staring out the deck doors. I was getting ready to go down there (and do what? I have no idea) and I glimpse him. PHEW! That sucked. He'd drifted pretty far while surfing so it took him a while to get back. That was enough excitement for me today. Hey - does my accelerated heart rate count as exercise?!

Exercise Schmexercise

Okay, so last week's challenge was our first activity related challenge. It flopped in a major way!!! We're carrying it over for this week, but it's tough. We all have crazy lives - especially at the moment. Not only is exercise very, very, very low on my list of things I'd like to spend my time on - there are other things that are also clamoring for that time - I think we're all feeling that way.

Where Did I Put My Fargin Pom-Poms!

It's hard to be a good cheerleader when you don't feel like you care if the team wins or loses. Of course, after they've lost you'll feel pretty damn crumby, but right now? You're tired, you're cranky, you have a cramp in your ass, whatever it is . . . you just don't feel like it. Well, TOO DAMN BAD! Suck it up sister! This is just a small battle in a long war. You've got a frick of a way to go so get off your cramped ass soldier and put some backbone into it!!!!

Jessica . . . giving herself a pep talk. :D